The Pain of Unrequited Love

March 4, 2006
By Lama Shenpen Hookham
Buddhism Connect

A student writes:

“You make it seem quite simple to deal with unrequited love. But from my experience it is not so light-hearted a matter.

Of course every case is different and the unrequited love may be rather a withdrawal of love by the partner or a denial that it ever existed. In any case the pain is real and seemingly devastating to one’s Buddhist practise, which in my case is not at all well-developed.

My heart wish is for oblivion. I would dissolve in my lover and exist only in him. So, if love is withdrawn or never existed where does that leave me? That’s where I am at the moment.”

Lama Shenpen:

The pain is real. That is the point. Turn towards that pain again and again. It is your open and sensitive heart hurting. Don’t shut it down – let the hurt open you up – it’s no use trying to shut it down. It doesn’t get better that way. It is like trying to kill something that just won’t die. Better accept that the pain is real.

What else are you going to do with it if not try to smooth it away? Let it be what it is – open out – let it hurt and notice again and again that it is this pain that unites you will all other beings.

Everywhere you look others are suffering just as you are. It is universal. Everyone longs for that love, that being known, that being accepted for what they are – for companionship, for communication deep and meaningful, for trust, for warmth, for the joy of discovering what is true and genuine in oneself and others.

So let your heart open and feel the pain of yourself and of others. That pain cannot destroy you and it cannot make things worse – at least when you open to the pain you feel alive and where there is life there is hope. >>More

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NewBuddhist.Com – Link

March 4, 2006
NewBuddhist.com

Welcome to our online sangha! If you are new to Buddhism, or just a curious seeker, you have come to the right place. We are a very warm, friendly, global community of people that welcomes all visitors. Please stop by our forums to say “Hi” or ask any questions that you may have!


The natural tension of lifestyle choices.

February 24, 2006
By Lama Shenpen Hookham
BUDDHISM CONNECT
Course info

A student writes:

“My question relates to the heart wish coming out into the world. It struck me today that I often feel guilty about living so much in the world, socializing, listening to music, having fun. Although the guilt is just a thought, I still feel it needs exploring.”

Lama Shenpen replies:

Yes it does. It suggests you could do more to make socialising, listening to music and having fun your Dharma practice – that is a subtle point – but that is where you need to look.>>More

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Buddha And Dhamma

February 21, 2006
Buddha And Dhamma
Dhamma And Sectarianism
Source: www.buddhanet.net

(Shri Satya Narayan Goenka (Shri S N Goenka) is the master of Vipassana meditation. Vipassana is the experiential aspect of the Teachings of Lord Buddha. S. N. Goenka learnt Vipassana from Sayagyi U Ba Khin – the great Burmese Vipassana Teacher. Sayagyi U Ba Khin belonged to a long lineage of celebrated Vipassana teachers. Dr. S N Goenka, D.Litt (Nalanda University) is considered an expert in pariyatti (the theory) and patipatti (the experiential aspect-Vipassana) of the teachings of Lord Buddha. He has established the Vipassana Research Institute (VRI) at Igatpuri (Nasik) in India. Below is a collection of Goenka’s sayings and Q/A on Buddha, Dhamma and sectarianism).

The Buddha taught Dhamma (the way, the truth, the path). He did not call his followers “Buddhists”; he referred to them as “Dhammists” (those who follow the truth)

Q. You keep referring to the Buddha. Are you teaching Buddhism?

SNG – I am not concerned with ‘isms’. I teach Dhamma, and that is what the Buddha taught. He never taught any ‘ism’, or any sectarian doctrine. He taught something from which people of every background, every religion, can benefit. He taught the way with which one can live a life full of benefits for oneself and other. He didn’t merely give empty sermons saying, “Oh, People. You must live like this, you must live like that”. The Buddha taught practical Dhamma, the actual way to live a wholesome life. And Vipassana is the practical know-how to lead a life of real happiness.

Q. What is the connection between Vipassana and Buddhism?

SNG – Buddha never preached Buddhism. We have compiled 140 volumes of Buddha’s existing talks into a CD-ROM and found that the word Bauddha or Buddhism is not mentioned even once. Buddha talks of Dhamma (Pali for Dharma), not Bauddha Dharma. Buddha was against organized religion. It was his followers who later created a religion out of his talks. A person who identifies with a religious community can never attain Dhamma.

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God and the Unconditioned

February 16, 2006
From: The Lotus and the Cross
Common Threads in Christian
and Buddhist Spirituality

At first glance, Buddhism seems vastly different from Christianity. Christianity is a religion about God, while the Absolute in Buddhism is never personalized, and seldom described, except as being beyond description. Most Christian denominations see the Bible as being of paramount importance (particularly in conservative Protestantism), while the vastly larger collection of Buddhist scriptures are seldom considered as an infallible authority except for a handful of smaller sects.

But delving deeper, the differences become much smaller. For instance, many of the early Church Fathers taught that in his true essence, God is unknowable and unfathomable, beyond all words and all descriptions. This inability to speak of the divine nature is known as apophatic (unspeakable) mysticism, which recognizes God is beyond all words and concepts, and anything we use to say what God is falls short. God’s essence (ousia), is within all things, but ever beyond all. Similarly, the Buddhist scriptures refer to the ultimate reality as “the Uncreated,” or “the Unmanifest,” an absolute Reality which is everywhere present, but beyond this perceived world, resulting from no cause, and limited by no conditions.

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Unrequited Love

February 14, 2006
By Lama Shenpen Hookha
BuddhismConnect
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“A student asked a question about how to deal with the persistent feeling of attraction arising towards someone he isn’t going to become involved with. He asked how he can stop this happening.”

Lama Shenpen:

The problem is your wanting it not to happen so strongly is making it more real. Intensity of feeling is not a problem, and even the thoughts that go with it are not a problem. Believing they are a problem becomes the problem.

There is no need to feel tired and fed-up with the same thoughts and same feelings arising all the time. Admire the whole thing – is it really you doing all of that? The thoughts and feelings chasing each other round and round. Relax and open out into the whole thing. It is quite splendid.

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Quote – Buddha

February 9, 2006

“Meditation brings wisdom; lack of mediation leaves ignorance. Know well what leads you forward and what hold you back, and choose the path that leads to wisdom.?