Unrequited Love

By Lama Shenpen Hookha
BuddhismConnect
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“A student asked a question about how to deal with the persistent feeling of attraction arising towards someone he isn’t going to become involved with. He asked how he can stop this happening.”

Lama Shenpen:

The problem is your wanting it not to happen so strongly is making it more real. Intensity of feeling is not a problem, and even the thoughts that go with it are not a problem. Believing they are a problem becomes the problem.

There is no need to feel tired and fed-up with the same thoughts and same feelings arising all the time. Admire the whole thing – is it really you doing all of that? The thoughts and feelings chasing each other round and round. Relax and open out into the whole thing. It is quite splendid.

Desire for another person is quite beautiful and poignant. Even as one reaches out, the object of our desire is disappearing under our touch. The moment is always gone. How to be with it at the moment of its most intense beauty? How to just be with that? Unrequited love is just as good for practising with as requited love actually. Both are very interesting.

There are those moments of melting pleasure and then the grasping – the wanting or the not wanting, the sadness, the disappointment, the empty feeling and then off we go again into the mounting joy and pleasure. What a roller coaster! Yet it is empty, like magic, like a dream – appearing but empty, ungraspable and in essence it is something real beyond grasping. There is a living quality to it all that is beyond grasping. That is what we are seeking to rest in.

Does this give you a few hints to go on?

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